I wrote the following post 2 years ago today. It shares some of the inspiration and insight I’ve discovered by ‘spending time’ with Coyote medicine and is still very applicable to my life today. Coyote is a shapeshifter and dreamer who returned to my side this year to guide me to the life of my dreams, to lead me along the ‘dark interior way from tragedy to comedy.’ (quoting Joseph Campbell’s book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces) . . .
Today is October 1, 2022 and if our magical, mythical journey spans a year and started in January, we are right on target for having Coyote join us. What better time of year than autumn to open to our destiny and reap the harvest of cultivating our awareness to overcome ignorance and circumstance and prepare for a landing on the shores of the Graces. We begin to see things on a whole new level, not necessarily in a single year, but if we stay true to our journey day after day, week after week and month after month we embrace the power to change at a fundamental level.
In February of this year, I was facing some considerable life challenges — mainly due to old habits and old ways of being that were engrained and remained deep within. I had known in theory as early as 2009 that I needed to stop looking outward for affirmation, especially from cute boys, but these habits were so strong, conditioned from birth to play the role of a ‘girl’ and this role only intensified once I became a ‘woman’. I had found and practiced affirmations to negate some of the negative messaging and made a New Year’s Resolution, probably a decade ago, to stop investing in people who don’t invest in me.
And even when I could see clearly that I was perfectly fine and I was blessed and felt grateful, my emotions were intense and created a lot of doubt and fear that I still didn’t measure up, I still wasn’t lovable and the best course of action was to lower my expectations and subordinate my feelings in order to maintain my relationships.
But something in me was changing and emerged in February of 2022. It came to a point where it only took a straw to break the camel’s back. In my case it was a good thing — the camel was my old way of ‘being’ in the world, a way of being that said I had to put others first and honor their feelings before my own if I wanted to maintain relationships. That unhealthy camel’s back caved once I had the confidence to honor my feelings and stand up for my place in this world — it only took 50+ years!
It was a culmination of 15 years of looking outward and desperately wanting the people I love the most to affirm me (starting with my husband when our marriage was broken) instead of affirming myself and placing others at a ‘proper’ distance to avoid the deep hurt that comes when we pull people too close to our hearts, creating heightened expectations mainly due to our needs rather than considering their past actions and placing them accordingly. No intention is needed to be hurtful, our limits, the ways of the world, the unconsciousness of others, can all cut deeply with no intention.
“Snooze time is over if you have pulled the Coyote medicine card. Watch out! Your glass house my crash to the ground at any moment.” (Medicine Cards, p90)
When we no longer attempt to return to what was or could have been, when we stop dwelling on should have or could have beens and stop sitting around wanting and wishing, we are well into the Transformation Stage of the journey. We are open to change, to learning and growing. Coyote coaxes us to look inward for answers whether we like it or not and shows us the comic, and perhaps tragic, results of the outward affirmation we seek.
Maybe Coyote has returned to help me let go, help me understand the ways of the world and lead me to the agility of strength and spirit that it takes to shape shift to the world of my dreams. A world where we are able to stand alone but never feel abandoned or isolated or unlovable. A world in which we speak from our heart — directly but gently — and a world in which we learn to laugh at the human condition, laugh at the drama we create day in and day out, often to avoid the truth deep within or from fear created by the ignorance and circumstance of our singular experience.
Let the walls that keep us confined to a fated life come crumbling, tumbling down. With Coyote as our guide we will do more than survive — we will thrive. Coyote will widen our range to include the sea of destiny and lead us to new ways, better ways of being in the world.
Coyote uncovers the truth deep within through folly or wisdom, whichever we choose. If we find the courage to follow this truth, if we learn not to despair when Coyote tricks us into falling apart and if we allow our hearts to break over and over again, we open to more beauty and more joy and our life is transformed in ways we would never have imagined.
Namaste.
10/1/2022